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• November 20, 2009 11:05 p.m.

  My heart goes out to each and every one of you ... I want to start sobbing when I read of the HELL many of you have lived, including the letdown and neglect of this country and your VA. PLEASE know you do have people out there who are your friends and pray for you - I am one of them. I don't blame any of you for the feeling you have, and cannot imagine the isolation you feel. Please know that I am reading every word, and listing you all in my heartfelt prayers. Thank you for sharing your stories - people do care. Jean M - Very Grateful Civilian

  - Jean

• November 20, 2009 11:56 a.m.

  Hi O, I shared your experiences and have been back for a year and a half. I am just now dealing with the "fall out" related to deployment. Much like you, I have a positive and happy disposition and never one to rock the boat. When I got home I was angry. I had never been that way before, particularly to my family members. Not abusive, my expectations were pretty high and I lost my temper quickly. I was a different person. I thought I was very resilient as well, however, I ignored the greif that came along with everything from deployment and since then. As far as particulars to the deployment that trigger fear and startle responses to hit the the deck, I probably experience that on average about once a week. Those moments, I don't call them debilitating, but for some reason I feel stress of life as overbearing more often than not. After talking with a few buddies that I had not deployed with recently, who are veterans themselves of Iraq and Afghanistan they both unhesitantly mentioned PTSD. Since my first buddy mentioned it, I actually went to clinicaltrials.gov and looked up studies on anxiety, and there was one related to PTSD. Some offer treatment and some are just studies. Either way, it offers an opportunity to talk to a trained professional in some capacity about your experiences. I hope that you find peace of mind and return to what you know as normal as quickly as possible. All my best, -S

  - No name given

• November 19, 2009 7:26 a.m.

  So I have been back from Iraq a few months and I am not me. My wife says she misses the old me. I am sooo numb to everything around me. I can not focus. And I am horrible when it comes to memory. I use to be the one who would think positive and motivate people. Now I am short tempored. I experianced many things out in Iraq. I did not lose someone close and I did not get injured. I was mortard, shot at, and seen some nasty explosions. My question is could this be PTSD or is it just stress. I dont stop and think about one even that happend in Iraq. I do think about some stuff but I can not say there is One specific thing that sets me off.

  - O

• November 13, 2009 12:20 p.m.

  My husband served in Afganistan, Iraq, and also went on to work for Blackwater. When he returned he was a mess emotionally. My once beloved husband, had become my worst fear. The abuse sustained left me to make the most difficult decision ever. Die or leave. I still love him with all my heart. However, the VA only proved to neglect my husbands pleas for help. Medicate, counsel, in-patient treatment that left him a room alone. No one talked to him except maybe 20 min a day. This is the "treatment" we give to those who defended our country. How sad. The worst part was he was unable to fullfill his duties back in "civilian life" d/t the "flashbacks" he had. Heaven for bid they claim him as disabled! I am disgusted with the lack of medical treatment in WNY for our soldiers coming home. The VA failed my family and I am lost everyday without my husband. Thank you to our vets for your service to this country! You deserve more than this country offers you!

  - Erin

• November 10, 2009 9:34 p.m.

  I have been home from Iraq since 2005, and i would like to think that i have come along way, but then there are times like right now when i just want to fade way and just stop existing. . I was in a mortar attack in fallujah iraq in November of 2004, i was injured pretty badly and my squad leader that was right next to me got pieces of his face blown off, he did not make it. I survived and he didnt. I always have a hard time, with the night mares and i live with so much anger and frustration, that t interfears with my life to the point where i dont really have any friends, i dont want to wake up in the morning, i just like to be alone, i drink more than i used to. I feel like no one truely understands and i just alone and lost. I go the VA but these people are worthless at the VA. There are so many people who need the same help, its overwhelming for the doctors. They love to hand out medication but when i was taking my medication, i didnt like the way it was making me feel. I have my good and bad days but there seems to be more not so good days here lateley, i feel like im doing fine day and then going insane the next. I get so angry and have outburst of rage.. I feel like i am not a good person and i just want to be alone and not deal with anyone so they wont judge me. I wish i would have never went to Iraq, that was the worst hell anyone could live through.

  - Kellee

• November 10, 2009 2:14 a.m.

  If you have not done your time in Iraq, Your Opinion about stress can ... 101st---

  - Ben

• October 17, 2009 11:57 p.m.

  My brother Pat has served two terms in Iraq. He's my big brother--18 years older than me--and I look up to him. He just got home from his second tour, and my mom told me today that he's doing stuff he's never done before--drinking and smoking, and having an affair. I'm so worried about him. The more I read, the more I think it's PTSD. Please pray for him, all who read this!

  - Jamie

• September 4, 2009 9:11 p.m.

  EMDR therapy is something I am using with a well-trained psychologist who has worked with vets. I am a former Linguist/Interrogator who participated in SERE training during Gulf War I. PTSD flared gradually as the breaking of Abu Ghraib and Guantanomo Bay torture stories did. Never would I have thought that our training of NATO troops was comparable to something "other" countries did to to our POW's. Well, I did the things to people that were breached to the media about Abu and Gitmo. It's hard to live with, and I can't read a newspaper or anything. When I do, my symptoms explode. My anger is out of control. I'm learning how to assess if something is really actually life threatening or not, but I'm a walking time bomb, and depressed. What has helped me stay more calm, is having a service-dog with me. He forces me to get out. And the effects of EMDR are difficult and get better as the week wears on, but it unlocks memories and links to other stuff. I have to say, talk-therapy, staying active physically, and engaged with others as much as it's hard to do, has helped me. I push myself into social situations or I will die. I've been suicidal, homicidal, isolated and usually just go to bed crying. I live alone. The military doesn't care, and I feel betrayed. As a woman, I don't think a support group would be helpful. I don't want this to define my life. Fortunately I have been sober for over 10 years, which I think reduces my suicide risks. It's been 15 years since I lef

  - Angie

• August 16, 2009 9:03 p.m.

  I am older than most of your basic questioneers or commentaries's. I just can't get it out of my head, when I was five I was sexually molested by a close relative. This has carried with me for many years almost to the point of amy bandoning family. I have this terrible guilt and it weights heavy on my beeing. I'm not sure this is PTSD or some other problem but I'm losing my family becuae of my feelings. Bob

  - Bob

• August 5, 2009 7:08 p.m.

  I am a 20 year veteran of the Marine Corps and I feel that the VA does not carry out its duty to the veterans. I participated in Desert Storm, OEF and OIF and even though I never saw combat I saw the death that was caused by these wars. My responsibilities were tracking all Marines that were either wounded or killed for 3 years. It was devasting to me and I felt helpless. I was then injured myself which kept me from participating in any deployments which made the helplessness emotion even more so. During this period, my wife of 15 years had an affair with another Marine and ended up pregnant. I had to make a decision to either turn her in or stay quiet so she would not be kicked out. I did the right thing (kept quiet about this and have raised that child as if he was my own) but in the end she left me anyway which was devastating to me. That was 6 years ago and I still have nightmares and cold sweats at night. I became depressed, alcoholic and addicted to any drugs I could get my hands on. The VA has had my disability package for 7 months now but yet still no answer. I feel I have wasted 20 years of my life serving our country. At times I feel im on the verge of exploding and doing something that I know would be wrong but I just cant take the injustice anymore. Can you help???

  - Jay

• June 24, 2009 5:06 p.m.

  I have How ever reade your semtoms that deal with PTSD and find that sume of it ftis me to a tee, Like being self destucteve, slepping from one extreme to the other, fineding that I Just Don't give a dam any mor about others, not seeing famly in the same way that I did befor. Finding that in the more that I try to help others I tend to finde my self in jale or in the state penatentury At this time I spent a totle Of 18 years with parole, now you tell me if I do have PTSD or Not All of this started aftr I got outof the U S ARMY in 1976 And a socalld frend of the famly lide and turnd my famly agenst my.

  - Ross

• June 5, 2009 10:36 a.m.

  I was in therapy for ptsd and treated for high blood pressure with lisinopril and the side effects were horrible and confusing. I checked out a web site that reported over 2500 entrys having the same effects.I now take it with a full stomach before going to bed.The side effects are almost nil. Good luck to all.

  - Gary

• June 1, 2009 10:59 a.m.

  Mike: Thank you for sharing this difficult situation with us. As we well know our veterans are at significant risk for emotional and stress-related conditions. Our colleagues in Veterans Affairs are profoundly sensitive to this issue and your local representatives are ready to provide support and guidance.

  - Dr. Ed Creagan

• May 31, 2009 3:00 p.m.

  If there is help, I need it. I finally made a mistake at work and they called it professional negligence. I want to not exist, I don't remember what my wife does about the last incident and I am frightened to think about being a patient after what happened to me. I am just learning about PTSD. If there is a self test, I need to take this. I love my wife and need to exist for her.

  - Mike

• April 19, 2009 2:12 p.m.

  I was a Police officer for about 5 1/2 yrs about 15yr ago back then I drank to reduce the stress, I've quit, but I still have anxiety and am always suspicious of people, on guard and when I hear sirens it feels like I'm back in police mode,my adrenaline kicks in, my heart races and I'm feel ready to chase the bad guys again. sometimes this extreme feeling is overwhelming,Dr's have presribed different things but none really help. I'm sick of it,it wears me out. Any suggestions?

  - Greg

• December 24, 2007 8:21 p.m.

  Warning: according to one of the latest game-plans of the politicos, they are trying to have a doctor-certified declaration of instability in vets and to have any fire-arms removed from one's environment. The usual Democratic suspects are at this and they need to be stopped in their political tracks. As for myself: veteran of the Air Force and Navy; I had major stress in both branches and do not know if there are lasting situations from all of that but three years ago I had a coronary, seizures, pneumonia, pulmonary-edema, brain-apnia, lost most of the muscle mass and had to re-learn how to walk after being in the hospital for five weeks. Last year there was a bout of skin cancer; have been told that I have PTSD by four different doc's. But, in spite of, or because of the above, I have never considered myself to be a victim.

  - Edward

• October 30, 2007 9:05 a.m.

  Please excuse the double posting on this topic, but I wanted to address the coping aspect in more detail. There are some useful books out there for self-help, such as "Feeling Good" by David Burns, MD. Most local libraries have it. For a readable account of stress and stress-related illness, one may check out Bob Sapolsky's "Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers." Finally, as to financial strains and streses, you don't have to go it alone. Look in the phone book or get a referral for a thoughtful (and possibly compassionate) attorney who handles that type of issue. No man or woman is an island.

  - Alan

• October 30, 2007 8:53 a.m.

  i have read all the stories posted and i have to say that the men and Women suffering from PTSD are in fact the bravest and strongest people i have ever heard from. Not only because of the jobs you have performed but because i know that every day waking up is hard for you. i have went through a milder form of PTSD after dealing with deamon's in my past. The one thing that helped me so much was a program from the Mid West Center for Stress, Anxiety and Depression. Believe it or not, this program works. i can't lie i still experience the symptoms of anxiety and depression, but I can now live a normal life and know how to live with these emotions, fears and thoughts.Visit online The MidWest Center for those of you who can't afford the program (I think it is around $300.00) there is a payment plan that's how i did it, i paid like 46.00 a month and it was worth every penny and you can try it for 30 days and send it back if you don't think it's for you. Good luck. You can do this!!

  - tricia

• October 30, 2007 5:16 a.m.

  I was onboard the Nimitz in 1981 and involved in the flight deck accident. The event lasted just over 3 hours. During that time, all the personnel who fought the fire were exposed with no where to hid. Four missiles exploded and several rounds of 20mm cannon shells fired killing 14 and wounding several others including myself. My injuries were to my back and are not life threatening but continue to cause physical pain and mental anguish. I have just recently sought mental health treatment for PTSD, Depression and Survivor Guilt Syndrome. I though I could handle it and should not continue to be bothered by my fears. After all, I was not in combat. It was explained that the exposure to harm for over 3 hours is a primary contributing factor. I am now separated and anticipating a divorce. My wife could no longer tolerate my “neediness” and felt compelled to leave. Don’t wait for this to destroy your life seek treatment immediately. PS. The VA system is overwhelmed

  - Dave

• October 29, 2007 10:20 p.m.

  I can understand what Vets go through, another group that suffers the same are police officers. In my case, I had a cervical (upper back) fusion, I had to leave the only thing I know, the criminal justice system. Now I feel empty and worthless, I wasn't ready to retire just yet. My wife and I still have 2 wonderful boys to put rhough college, we don't have the money anymore (spent it on food and other basics). We're busy trying to find a way to get them though college. This has made my PTSD worse. I do see a therapist at least monthly, it helps some. SSRI's have proved to make me worse, except for serizone(it helps some, but not enough to get me out of the house). I have nightmares, night sweats, anxiety (high) and serious dperession. Most of my night mares aren't devoted to the never ending violence of police work, but mostyly I worry my wife and kids will adamdon me, or dreams where I am worthless. I won't give up, but it's a rough road.

  - Charles

• October 27, 2007 9:04 a.m.

  During a serious bout of mental illness a few years ago, I found that working gave me some peace. Although I felt like my life was utterly falling apart, at work I was able to have some measure of focus. Being able to focus on work tasks for at least part of the day (and sometimes it was just an hour or two) brought me comfort when nothing else could.

  - Kelly

• October 26, 2007 10:35 a.m.

  This PTSD phenomenon is pretty tough stuff. Although the mainstream media hasn't picked up on the mechanisms, and I am not qualified to know this firsthand or professionally, from reading popular scientific accounts, it seems that extreme prolonged stress has the effect of changing brain structure and function. It may have the effect of shrinking areas of the hippocampus (important in the formation of memories) while enhancing sensitities in the amygdala (involving fear and free-floating anxiety without knowledge of specific cause). The fact that there are still Vietnam era vets experiencing PTSD suggests that some of these changes are difficult to reverse. The implications are sobering. How to cope? Once a person is diagnosed with PTSD, they probably need professional help. This needs to become a priority. While the effects of everyday stressors may be more reversible, we need to be congnizant of the impact in possibly changing our brain function, and thus learn to cope.

  - Alan

• October 24, 2007 4:50 p.m.

  One thing that is often not mentioned is the return of PTSD symptoms in vets of other wars. My husband, a decorated Vietnam vet, is experiencing some problems because of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. There has been many comparisons between then and now, and many of them are correct--not knowing who your enemy really is, outdated equipment, biased media reports to name a few. He feels deep sorrow about the treatment many of our vets do receive when they return home. He has gone back to making sure he sits facing the door when we go out to eat, loud noises are causing a faster startle reaction, and he is having nightmares occasionally. We live near a military installation, and when training on various mortar weapons is going on he acts like he is on "high alert." The sounds of the choppers flying overhead also disturbs him. So far, it has not been a huge problem for him to deal with it.

  - Donnah