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• February 22, 2008 12:23 p.m.

  Connie ~ My top 10 1. Do they have a residents bill of rights? Is it adhered to? 2. Trustworthy - Do they do criminal background checks on all their employees? Is it a reputable state licensed agency? What citations have they received from the state surveyors and have they corrected them in a timely manner? 3. Trained - What type of training is required to be hired? Remain employed? Do they have licensed nursing staff supervising unlicensed staff? Who has access to, sets up, administers meds? Do they require annual training for CPR, first aid, vulnerable adult? Do they have a doctor overseeing the facility? 4. Activities - Do they have a formalized activities program? Does it include indoor & outdoor activities? 1:1 and group? Things to keep residents minds stimulated and bodies as active as possible? 5. Their viewpoint - What is their mission statement? Would everyone working there place their loved on in their care? I will continue on a 3rd post.

  - Lori

• February 22, 2008 12:08 p.m.

  Connie ~ A few years back, I worked for a Home Health Care Agency, both out in the field as an aide & LPN and in then in the office coordinating benefits either with insurance co. or county social workers. Additionally, my 91 yo grandma has been a client of theirs for 20 years. During my time with them, they began providing assisted living services in apartment complexes and elderly foster care services in homes they purchased. I just retired from my job as a director of an adult foster care home providing services to developmentally disabled adults. So I have viewed caregiving from several angles: personaly with my grandma; direct caregiving for others; indirectly by authorizing services and directly/responsibly for hiring caregivers and creating the "goals" my dd cosumers would work on based on criteria set up by our state / county. With that, I have a few questions for you. What type of ltc center is it? What state are you in (I am in MN)? My top 10 follows in a n

  - Lori

• February 15, 2008 11:02 a.m.

  After three years of being the sole caregiver for my mother, I have placed in a longterm care center approx. 2 blocks from my home. I spend as much time as possible with her which has helped with her transition. I am really interested in knowing the "must have" care that you want for your family member. Because of my interest in training the center has asked me to address the caregivers and I would like to see if OUR top 10 list of "must haves" matches what the care givers think is the top 10 list. I'd really appreciate responses.If you are interested, I'll share what the care givers say. Connie

  - Connie

• February 11, 2008 4:00 p.m.

  I do not believe my father has ever properly taken care of himself since he was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. As a result, he is now dialysis with bilateral amputations (front part from arch to toe has been removed. My father follows no diet. I do not believe he takes his meds. He gets a bit over 1000 a month. He took a car loan out for $3000.00 dollars. With what credit I do not know? His rent is about $315.00 He was not paying his phone bill or health insurance. I have the kidney foundation helping him with insurance. He does not see his doctors because it costs too much. Dad told me he went out to dinner on Friday night. Saturday he got caught shoplifting a bottle of cologne at Wal-Mart. I am angry and embarrassed. I want the county to have him evaluated. My brother has given up and I am about at my wits end. He is only 72. As with the perfect storm situation….I am a diabetic…Type 1 since age 13…I am coming up on my 31st year with this disease and am trying to get o

  - No name given

• February 6, 2008 9:55 a.m.

  What is so important here is the lack of response from men. The notion of "perfect storm" is repeated over and over again in these comments. I as well am in what I refer to as a "blizzard" due to the fact that I can't see everthing that is going on and yet I need to make it home to stabilze the teeter-totter of the daily activities while also trying to deal appropriately from a distance with ill people. All of you who have a clear understanding of the help that is evident in your community are blessed. Here, the whisper of mental illness is enough to austricize anyone who may have family or personally be afflicted. I still say that in every heartache there is a lesson, or if we look hard enough a spark that will comfort us during the "storm". It is so true that one may get help by helping themselves first. I hope that we all may find some peace at the end of everyday by finding something good in our actions.

  - Susan

• December 29, 2007 12:33 p.m.

  the one problem in all this for me that is the hardest to deal with is my other siblings seem mad at mom and dad for getting old.

  - nate

• December 7, 2007 6:10 p.m.

  I too am the sole caregiver for my 87 year old blind mother. Sometimes I wonder how I'm going to get through it all but I never was one to quit my responsibilities to my family. I too have many a sleepless night and sometimes I awake with worries of how to get through taking care of Mom and my own family as well. Positive thoughts seems to help but it's still trying. It made me feel better that there are other people with the same problems trying to work it all out.

  - No name given

• December 3, 2007 12:40 p.m.

  It's just nice to have someone name and affirm that it is "the perfect storm" and that we're not a bunch of big babies!

  - Joan

• December 3, 2007 12:38 p.m.

  I am well sandwiched between teenagers,including an 6 year old and parents in the same community with a father with Alzheimers. What perturbs me is that some people, including professionals, think that since my father doesn't live with us, that the diagnosis of Alzheimer's shouldn't affect us that much. I'm sure many of you know different. Just the grieving takes energy, and coaxing parents who view the healthcare system differently to use what healthcare is available to them. Self care is VERY difficult, and must remain a priority. How that is to become a reality is each person's unique struggle amidst the storm.

  - Loretta

• November 30, 2007 3:15 p.m.

  As caregiver to an 84-year-old mother with Parkinson's and other complications, I get overwhelmed with data: volumes and websites to scour, understand, and make high-stakes decisions about: Medicare drug plans, fighting coverage denials, dealing with doctors, searching for better medicines/diets, finding good long-term care facilities, etc. No frail senior could make such choices alone, and it upsets me that the system burdens caregivers with these bureaucratic nightmares on top of the work of actual caregiving. But I digress. The most positive thing I've learned from reaching out for info is the number of people who come out of the woodwork, having been through it and wanting to help. I will return the favor to others when the perfect storm abates. It will be fun. And I have been depressed by the thought that I cannot fix what hurts Mother the most. However, I now console myself: it's not about perfect, it's about trying hard, then adapting repeatedly, as needed.

  - judy

• November 30, 2007 8:11 a.m.

  Be gentle with your self. Do the best you can at the time, don't strive for perfection, and then let it go.

  - Ann

• November 27, 2007 5:05 p.m.

  Lori, There is HOPE! I have MS and am in the "Perfect" storm right now with aging family, suicide, anneuryms, etc. I am on disability and go to both Psychiatrist and Psychologist. (my meds are double plus shots) If I did not write EVERYTHING down and hand it to both doctors, I would be in the hospital right now. Put in down on paper and keep hardcopies. Keep your medical problems summarized on one sheet of paper as one-liners. Also, the same goes for mental anguish. I need more acquaintances, so I joined a book club. Please, don't let everyone "dump" on you for advice. As my doctors both say, "One cannot fix family or friends". It starts with ourselves. You deserve a special place in the house where you can get away to read...also schedule time for YOU on the weekend to go to a movie with a friend. You are always welcome to email me. Best Regards, Kaye Costello kcostello@cfl.rr.com

  - Kaye

• November 26, 2007 1:25 p.m.

  These are very good ideas. The financial and emotional responsibility of caring for aging parents and teenagers,in addition to pursuing a career, can seem overwhelming. Regular physical exercise, connectedness to friends and pets, and proper nutrtition all play important roles. I'm not hesitant to let the kids in on what's happening and to get them involved constructively, helping and learning about life. Similar to perfomers getting energized by their audience, I try to enlist people whose energy and enthusiasm, at times, can push me forward. For those of you expressing depressive symptoms, maybe consider this: emotions follow action. If you are feeling down, consider spending just a few minutes walking or engaging in some activity, or even listening to pleasant music. Depression is where the brain gets stalled around thoughts of loss. Change your activity and it is possible to change your mind. Of course, serious cases need medical attention from a qualified doctor.

  - Alan

• November 25, 2007 11:31 p.m.

  Ironically, the "perfect storm" post comes on my 46 bday. I don't know that I am heroically dealing with this, but I do feel I am in the middle of a new twist. I am the middle of the "sandwich" of a 91 yo grandmother, parents with significant health problems, 25 yo daughter who has 18 month old twins born 7 weeks premature. We all live within 3 miles of each other. I am the caretaker of the bunch, but my candle is about burned out at both ends. I am trying to stay working full time, but am finding it harder and harder. I too suffer from major depression, along with ptsd, dysthymia and in the past two years have been diagnosed with hypertension, high cholesterol, diabetes, osteoarthritis and fibromyalgia. I truly believe that stress has been the major contributing factor to these diagnoses. I am on 10 meds (more than my 91 yo grandma!) and in therapy. Any advice on how to keep my spirits up and stress down would be greatly appreciated!

  - Lori

• November 25, 2007 9:14 a.m.

  Our blog for Sandwich Generation, www.NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com, focuses on what you call the perfect storm. The idea of self care can easily get lost between all the tasks and so litlle time. But it's crucial to the emotional well being of the caregiver - even a daily 15 minute walk in the park or conversaation with a friend.

  - Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D.

• November 24, 2007 9:46 p.m.

  Having depression and being the sole caretaker for my 85 year old Mom makes me a firm believer that you must take care of yourself to survive. Coping skills I have learned through therapy 1) getting enough sleep. If it takes a sleep medication, so be it. 2) Asking for help. Mom was just in a nursing home for 3 weeks, and I don't know how I would have survived without the help of a cousin. Now that she's home, I have been made aware of Elder Care services available from our county, and I will be contacting them Monday to see what is available (in home care, Meals on wheels). 3) Working no more than 40 hours/week on my doctor's ordes. I was working 50+ hours during the busy season and had a major depressive episode. 4) The unconditional love of pets. I have 2 cats that can help me relax just by petting them and being rewarded with contented purring. 5) Satisfaction knowing I am doing the best I can to care for my Mom, and treasuring the time we have together.

  - Julie