My loved one was in another state and we thought was being taken care of by her daughter. She meant well but did not sit with her to eat and she dropped to 75 lbs. Was ignorant of the disease and let her drive. I would ask over and over take the keys away..One evenening she walked away from her home and was found in a mall after closing. Could not tell police where she lived but luckily had her id in purse. My nephew went to get her and took her home. He statyed for 2 days then sister took over again. She did not have any patience as a caregiver and put mom in a group home. Mom was very upset and confused. We went to visit every 2 weeks until we felt it was better to get her out and bring her to our state. Hospice told us to put her in an aszheimer facility only. They are trained and that is all they focus on. Mom seemed so happy and loved all the animals they kept on the property. Unfortunately she fell 2 weeks later and had a hip replacement. Was put in a rehab facility and was walking with assistance. We talked her through her therapy until the news of a bedsoar. It got out of hand and the infection is what took her life. A blesssing she did not have to suffer for 10 years, but lack of medical attention when she was under nurses care every day was so hard to grasp. Our hearts were so broken. I want the laws changed to protect our loved ones whom cannot express their pain. All facilities should be required Alzheimer training classes as part of the requirement for hiring. M

My father is in the final stage. I had to move him to a home 2 years ago because he lost all sense of personal safety. After 3 trips to the ER in as many months his doctor took me by the hand & gave me these simple words of wisdom, "You will not be able to do this forever...for his sake as well as yours." He was moved into a home from the hospital 2 years ago. I cried all the way home and for weeks afterwards. Then I noticed he looked better physically than he had with me for a while. I knew the Doc had been right. Soon after he was in a wheel chair as he "forgot" how to walk. A period of having to restrain him followed because he did not know he could not walk. I visit him weekly at random times & days. He is in a loving/caring/spirtual environment. He does not recognize me any more. I am either a stranger or his sister, no longer his daughter. He started to loose weight 6 months ago and This week he has started to refuse food. This is the first week I have felt totally helpless in a while. I cried while discussing his current state with his RN. I love my Dad, I know he is already gone mentally. We are just waiting for his body to catch up. I lost my Mom to this disease in Nov 1997. I was young, my Dad took care of her until the end. I did not realize at the time what her ailment was. They choose not to tell us. I know my Dad will be happy to be reunited with Mom!!! To all of you caregivers, my applause & support!!! Take time for yourself

Well last time I wrote anything on this site was just March 17th. Now I'm writing to say my wonderful Dad passed away yesterday. I can't not believe how fast this horrific disease had totally consumed my Dad and now he is gone after only 3 years. Sunday my Dad did not sleep at all, he hardley slept any days, and then finally fell asleep about 7am on Monday. My step Mom tried to wake him up about 7 that night and he wouldn't wake up. She called 911. She called me around mid night and said they were putting my Dad on a ventalater until I got there. He lives in another state. I got there around 4pm the next day. My Dad was so small. This young 57 year old man looked 100 years old. All his organs were starting to fail. We told them the doctor that we were ready to take him off the ventalater, the doctor told us he wanted to wait until the next day because he wanted another brain test done. We were all so upset, no matter what we said they made us wait. So we sat with my dad all night and talked to him and told him how much we loved him. They finally took him off ventalater at 10am and he was gone at 10:23 yesterday. My Dad is a doner and everything that is still good will go to someone in need. My Dads brain will be donated for research for this dignity robbing disease. It has to be stopped. Thanks for listening, I will still visit this site offten. Good luck everyone and may God be with you all.

Soon my parents'62nd wedding anniversary will be here. My father had Alzheimers for several years and died just last fall. We were lucky that he saved money and was able to be cared for in the home along with care from my loving mother, myself and some siblings. My question is, what is the best way to help my mother on the first wedding anniversay after his death? I know she will be sad. Thanks, Megan

We lost our mother this last October . I will always remember my son calling to tell me. After 9 long yrs she is finally at peace. I triesd for 7 yrs to keep her home but it was really hard on my family and the hardest thing was to admit that it was out of our hands. You know when the time is right to move your loved one from their home in your heart and mind. Remember the person that you really know has shared every thing with you and given you the answer by example or words along the way. Are they safe? Are they eating enough? Are they wandering or falling? Are they driving and could they potentially be a harm to innocent others that they may hit or could they cause an accident and be hit? If the answer could even possible be YES then they should no longer drive!!! Remember they are not able to make the proper decisions sometimes so if you know in your heart that they are unsafe you may have to make the decision. "when you were young I held you close and kept you safe so that one day you could take my place." My mother use to say that as I grow up. I really miss her but find so much hel;p in her teachings that I know she left knowing her job was done and in November we were blessed with a grandchild for us do pass on her wisdom and her teaching to. Please remember Your family member is locked inside of a body that now needs you to lead the way for the rest of the journey. They depend on those around them to keep them safe and help them to live out the rest of thei

Alzheimers has recently taken the life of my beloved "Nona" who meant the world to me. Once I became an adult I realized the wonderful wisdom and knowledge she had given me throughout her 82 years on this earth. As her granddaughter I was blessed to have her show me four wonderful generations(her, my mom, myself and my beautiful daughter). She gave me more than I could have ever hoped for in a lifetime This disease caused my grandmother to sometimes get very angry because I believe she didn't know what was happening to her mind and that in turn would make very confused and annoyed. I thank god for the love and support that my mother gave her. Because she gave up her life for over 10 years to care for her night and day. Hard part as a family member is that one day they may not remember who you from one day to the next. But always hold on to the memories you hold dear to your heart. Because even though they are not there in mind they are there in spirit.

My dad is 62 and has alot of the symptoms of Alzheimers. Unfortunately he has no insurance and has assets to prevent him from getting covered by the state. I did get a doctor at a clinic to listen to me and he started him on Aricept.This all started summer of 2006-my mom informed me alot of their bills weren't getting paid-he is the sole provider, He was getting lost driving and numerous accidents., hadn't paid any state,federal,or local taxes for 6 years.Needless to say this last year he has been saying the same phrase "I wanna die" over and over and has been getting aggressive with my mother {she called 911 and he was 302ed so sad because he didn't even know why he says that or recall what happened}he's paranoid that when she goes somewhere she wont come back ,daily conversations are repetitive of the same subject,he could spend the weekend at my home and not even remember being there,he doesn't know the day,date,month or year most days. A CAT scan showed atrophic changes

I am a primary caregivers for a friend of mine,who has been like a brother to me for almost 29yrs,&who has unfortunately diagnosed with early onset Altzheimer's disease,diagnosed about 4 years ago.He's now 60. His level of functioning has steadily declined since that time,lately far faster than expected. He has no relatives here& most of his other "friends" have conveniently made themselves unavailable to help with respite for us even take him out for dinner or for a weekend to give us a break,show him that they still care. This both saddens&angers me too. I work full time. Still, I have kept him with me for the most part,every weekend,evenings days&anytime I am not working for the past 4 yrs.I set up his meds,&MD appointments usually go with him, have in in adult day care 4 days per week,do bills, cook for him,laundary&more.I know he's scared too but today after his 2nd wandering incident in 4 mo's,home again safe&asleep. I think I'm recognizing t

I noticed Mom "changing" almost ten years ago.She will be 90 in June!My siblings were in denial for quite a while.She still lives in her own home.We take her meals to her and take care of her finances.How do you move her out of her home? When? Mom isn't your usual old lady.Never was content to sit and watch TV or converse! Always busy. When do you make the decision that she can't live in her own home?I think moving to a nursing home would kill her~~my sister disagrees!What is the answer? Bess

My husband is 74 years old. I am 67. He has had dementia for about 4 years. He is on Arisept and Namenda and they seem to be holding off the dementia and possibly the alzheimers pretty well. I have my children near me and they are very loving and supportive and also very helpful. But there is a lonelyness for me to see a little bit of him slip away ever so often. Most of the time I am very able to handle this but sometimes, like tonight, it is so hard. He is trying so hard to hold on to his independence. He is also suffering from massive blood clots in his legs which has caused him to be hospitalized many times. My prayer is that I will stay well long enough to help him here in my home as Jean did. I have the faith that God will see me and especially him through this. Regina

My mother died of Alzheimer's one year ago today. The disease had her for 8 years. But not only did the disease have her, it also had my dad, my brother & his wife, my spouse & children and me. I've survived depression and have been on a spiritual awakening journey for the past year. God has held us in the palm of His hand but it has been difficult. Loosing myself as I lost mother is something I didn't understand going into the process. What I see now, that was veiled at the time, I just didn't have the energy to keep up with all the details. And when I could get it all done, I depleted my adrenaline reserve. It is a tough rode that is laced with many tender moments. Finding a closer relationship with God is the blessing in all of this. Getting help for yourself is not selfish because you impact many relationships. What you do for your sanity may just preserve the families as well.

Thanks and God's blessings to everyone engaged in this blog. Caregivers sacrifice so much, but I think also gain much more than they bargain for, whether the caregiving duty is implied or imposed. At least this had been my experience. Like Di, my father was Mom's sole caregiver, but a brief illness took his life, and my brother and I had to step in. I left a full-time career to help Mom, and feel this is the best(and toughest--or is that the easiest?) decision I've ever had to make. Thus far, the experience has been very rewarding. I have received mixed opinions on giving up "my life" to help with Mom's, but fortunately my husband(whose opinion is the only one that counts) has been very supportive in this endeavor. I am unable to get out to a support group, but this blog had certainly been a great substitute.

This has to be the most difficult question to answer, as my husband (72) and I have always done everything together. Our lives were intertwined in our family business, our children, grandchildren and our devotion to God & Country with the American Legion & Auxiliary. I have been telling myself that I must start "my Life" but it is almost impossible to think of losing someone you shared 47 years with. He still knows me and our children..and when I come every day he has a big smile and is happy to see me. I take care of some of his personnal needs, for my sake... he seems to love my touch. He is in a great AZ facility where they care for him so well. A special Val dinner is planned for tomorrow for all of us. I don't know if I will be able to handle a new beginning for myself if he passes before me. I also journal quit often. This blog is great and I appreciate reading everyones comments. God bless you all, and give us the strength to go on.

My mom is 84 yrs. old and as Jean put it, Alzheimer's has had her for about 12 years, probably longer. My dad cared for her single-handedly, with no help, except for my semi-annual visits (we lived 2200 mi. away). Mom came to live with my husband and I two years ago when dad died unexpectedly. I retired from my 30 year career to stay home with her and it really seems to have been a good decision. She is rarely physically ill, and still enjoys getting her hair and nails done, going for rides in the car and "visiting" with friends who occasionally stop by. While we have no other family living nearby, my husband is very good about staying with mom a couple of hours most days so I can go to the gym, take the dog for a walk or go shop. We also have been fortunate to get several hours a week respite care from our local Aging Services. One of the Alzheimer Care facilities in our city provides overnight respite care which has been a godsend. I don't journal, but take lots of pics, la

My husband is 83 years old and has had AD for 6 years now. I still care for him at home with the help and support of my family and friends. He goes to an adult daycare once or twice a week which gives me a couple of days for myself. They love him at the daycare as he is still the genetleman. He is easy to care for and is able to to care for some of his personal needs but is always happy to have my help. What ever I say or do is O.K.with him. It breaks my heart that he doesn't know me anymore. We will have our 60th anniversary in July and by then he won't even know it. Sometimes he will ask for Teresa and I'm standing right in front of him. He thinks of Teresa as the young girl he married. We do a lot of hugging and he is still so loving. Perhaps he thinks he has a new girlfriend. I also keep a jounal on my computer and I am reminded of how much he has lost as I read where he was last year. I think it is good to keep a journal so one can maintain a perspective as changes occur.

Susan: My journaling takes but a minute, and is nothing fancy. I'm embarrassed to say that my "journal" is a ringbound notebook that is worn and ragged. Surely you can carve out a moment for yourself even once-a-week to jot down any highlights you may recall? Bring your journal and treat yourself at your favorite designer coffee shop(or like me, at Mom's kitchen table). Hopefully collecting your thoughts and emotions will help you maintain perspective when all seems so out-of-control.

Thanks, Jean, for this insight. I may not think I have time for journaling, but I can certainly pay more attention to remembering the "real" bits and pieces. Many "bad" days still have positive periods, and the "good" days, or hours, can be delightful.

Mom is 88 and has had Alzheimer's for 10 years. Or rather, it has had her. At any rate, I share caregiver responsibilty with my brother. Mom is in late-stage Alzheimer's. Thankfully, we are still able to meet Mom's ever-increasing needs in her own home. I have elected to deal with the loss of the person I once knew by getting to know better the person Mom is now. Fortunately, she is delightful, and funny, and still elicits bits and pieces of her personality---the "real" Mom. I have resigned myself to the loss of the abilities she once had and dwell on the abilities she still has, limited though they may be. I find that by journaling my daily interactions I can revisit each day's highlights; despite the ebb and flow of good-days and bad-days, I will always have a written chronicle of those events I hold most dear, which will likely provide comfort in the future.