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Depression: Supporting a family member or friend

Help a family member or friend dealing with depression get treatment, develop good self-care habits and find resources.

By Mayo Clinic staff

Helping someone with depression can be a challenge. If someone in your life has depression, may feel helpless and you may wonder what to do. Learn how to offer support and understanding and how to help your loved one get the resources to cope with depression. With the right approach, depression usually gets better. Here's what you can do.

Learn the signs and symptoms of depression

Depression signs and symptoms vary from person to person. They can include:

  • Feeling sad, down or "empty"
  • Losing interest in activities that were once a source of pleasure
  • Feeling hopeless, worthless or helpless
  • Feeling irritable or restless
  • Changes in appetite, and losing or gaining weight unintentionally
  • Sleeping poorly or oversleeping
  • Feeling fatigued or having decreased energy
  • Having persistent feelings of guilt
  • Having trouble thinking, concentrating or making decisions
  • Having thoughts of suicide
  • Abusing alcohol or drugs

Encourage treatment

People with depression may not recognize or acknowledge that they're depressed. They may not be aware of signs and symptoms of depression, or they may feel too hopeless to address the issue. People with depression may think that how they feel is normal and not the result of a mental health condition. All too often, people feel ashamed about their depression and mistakenly believe they should be able to overcome it with willpower alone. But depression seldom gets better without treatment and may get worse. Help the person you care about recognize the symptoms of depression and get treatment.

  • Talk to the person about what you've noticed and why you're concerned.
  • Explain that depression is a medical condition, not a personal flaw or weakness — and that it usually gets better with treatment.
  • Suggest that the person see a professional — a medical doctor or a mental health provider such as a licensed counselor or psychologist.
  • Offer to help prepare a list of questions for the person to discuss in an initial appointment with a doctor or mental health provider.
  • Express your willingness to help by setting up appointments, going with the person to appointments and attending family therapy sessions.

If your loved one's illness is severe or potentially life-threatening, contact a doctor, a hospital or emergency medical services yourself.

Identify warning signs of worsening depression

Everyone experiences depression differently. You can help your family member or friend by learning how depression affects him or her — and knowing what to do when it gets worse. You can do this by simply observing, or if the person is comfortable talking about depression, ask questions to help you understand.

Answers to the following questions can provide you with a guide for understanding how well he or she is doing:

  • What are the typical signs and symptoms of depression in your family member or friend?
  • What behaviors or language do you observe when depression is worse?
  • What behaviors or language do you observe when he or she is doing well?
  • What circumstances trigger episodes of more severe depression?
  • What activities are most helpful when depression worsens?

Worsening depression needs to be treated as soon as possible. Your loved one and his or her doctor or mental health professional need to work together to come up with a plan for what to do when signs and symptoms reach a certain point. This can include a number of things. For example, your friend or family member with depression may need to:

  • Contact his or her doctor to see about adjusting or changing medications
  • See a psychotherapist such as a licensed counselor or psychologist
  • Take self-care steps, such as being sure to eat regular meals, getting extra sleep or exercising
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References
  1. Depressive disorders. In: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders DSM-IV-TR. 4th ed. Arlington, Va.: American Psychiatric Association; 2000. http://www.psychiatryonline.com. Accessed April 14, 2010.
  2. Helping a friend or family member with depression or bipolar disorder. Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=about_publications_helping. Accessed April 14, 2010.
  3. Depression. National Institute of Mental Health. http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression/index.shtml. Accessed April 14, 2010.
  4. Loosen PT, et al. Mood disorders. In: Ebert MH, et al. Current Diagnosis and Treatment: Psychiatry. 2nd ed. New York, N.Y.: McGraw Hill; 2008. http://www.accessmedicine.com/content.aspx?aid=3285019. Accessed April 16, 2010.
  5. Espinoza RT, et al. Diagnosis and management of late-life depression. http://www.uptodate.com/home/index.html. Accessed Jan. 12, 2010.
  6. Depression wellness guide for adults with depression and their family and friends. Families for Depression Awareness. http://familyaware.org/admk/wellnessguide.pdf. Accessed April 16, 2010.
  7. Koenig HG. Research on religion, spirituality, and mental health: A review. Canadian Journal of Psychiatry. 2009;54:283.
MH00016 May 27, 2010

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