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Domestic violence against women: Recognize patterns, seek help

Create a safety plan

Leaving an abuser can be dangerous. Consider taking these steps:

  • Call a women's shelter or domestic violence hotline for advice. Make the call at a safe time — when the abuser is not around — or from a friend's house or other safe location.
  • Pack an emergency bag that includes items you'll need when you leave, such as extra clothes and keys. Hide it or leave the bag with a friend or neighbor. Keep important personal papers, money and prescription medications handy so that you can take them with you on short notice.
  • Know exactly where you'll go and how you'll get there, even if you have to leave in the middle of the night.

Protect your communication

An abuser may use technology to monitor your telephone and Internet communication and to track your physical location. To maintain your privacy and safety:

  • Use cordless phones and cell phones cautiously. Your abuser may intercept calls and listen to your conversations. He or she may check your cell phone to see who has called or texted you. Your abuser also may check billing records to see your complete call history.
  • Use your home computer cautiously. Your abuser may use spyware to monitor your e-mails and the Web sites you visit. Consider using a computer at work, the library or at a friend's house to seek help.
  • Frequently change your e-mail password. Choose a password that would be impossible for your abuser to guess.
  • Clear your viewing history. Follow your browser's instructions to clear any record of Web sites or graphics you've viewed.

Where to find help

In an emergency, call 911 — or your local emergency number or your local law enforcement agency. The following resources also can help:

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE or 800-799-7233. Call the hotline for crisis intervention and referrals to resources, such as women's shelters.
  • Your doctor. Doctors and nurses will treat injuries and may refer you to safe housing and other local resources.
  • A local women's shelter or crisis center. Shelters and crisis centers typically provide 24-hour emergency shelter, as well as advice on legal matters and advocacy and support services.
  • A counseling or mental health center. Counseling and support groups for women in abusive relationships are available in most communities. Be wary of advice to seek couples or marriage counseling. If violence has escalated to the point that you're afraid, counseling isn't adequate.
  • A local court. Your district court can help you obtain a restraining order that legally mandates the abuser to stay away from you or face arrest. Local advocates may be available to help guide you through the process.

It can be hard to recognize or admit that you're in an abusive relationship — but help is available. Remember, no one deserves to be abused.

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References
  1. Understanding intimate partner violence. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. http://www.ndvh.org/educate/abuse_in_america.html. Accessed Jan. 30, 2009.
  2. Violence against women: What is abuse? U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. http://www.4woman.gov/violence/signs/. Accessed Jan. 30, 2009.
  3. Safety planning list. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. http://www.4woman.gov/violence/planning/safetyplanninglist.pdf. Accessed Jan. 30, 2009.
  4. Domestic and intimate partner violence. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. http://www.4woman.gov/violence/types/domestic.cfm. Accessed Jan. 30, 2009.
  5. Violence against women: Court order of protection. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. http://www.4woman.gov/violence/prevent/civil.cfm. Jan. 30, 2009.
  6. Women's health: Domestic violence. American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. http://www.acog.org/publications/patient_education/bp083.cfm. Accessed Jan. 30, 2009.
  7. Let's talk facts about domestic violence. American Psychiatric Association. http://healthyminds.org/factsheets/LTF-DomesticViolence.pdf. Accessed Feb. 10, 2009.
  8. McHugh MC, et al. Intimate partner violence: New directions. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences. 2006;1087:121.
  9. Violence at home. American Psychological Association. http://www.apa.org/pi/violenceathome.html. Accessed Feb. 10, 2009.
  10. AAMFT consumer update: Domestic violence. American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. http://www.aamft.org/families/consumer_updates/domestic_violence.asp. Accessed Feb. 10, 2009.
  11. Internet safety. National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. http://www.ncadv.org/protectyourself/InternetSafety_121.html. Accessed Feb. 11, 2009.
  12. Southworth C, et al. Intimate partner violence, technology and stalking. Violence Against Women. 2007;13:842.
  13. Torpy JM. Intimate partner violence. The Journal of the American Medical Association. 2008;300:754.
  14. Pitt EL, et al. Violence and trauma: Recognitions, recovery and prevention. In: Makadon HJ, et al. The Fenway Guide to Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Healthcare. Philadelphia, Pa.: American College of Physicians; 2008:253.
  15. Issues: Domestic violence. National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs. http://www.ncavp.org/issues/DomesticViolence.aspx. Accessed March 25, 2009.

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