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Empty nest syndrome: Tips for coping

By Mayo Clinic staff
Original Article:  http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/empty-nest-syndrome/MY01976
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Empty nest syndrome: Tips for coping

Worried about empty nest syndrome? Find out how an empty nest can affect parents, what you can do to prepare for the transition and how to cope.

By Mayo Clinic staff

If your last child is all grown up and about to leave home — or he or she has already moved out — you might be experiencing some mixed emotions. Understand why empty nest syndrome happens and what you can do about it.

What's empty nest syndrome and why do some parents experience it?

Empty nest syndrome isn't a clinical diagnosis. Instead, empty nest syndrome is a phenomenon in which parents experience feelings of sadness and loss when the last child leaves home.

Although you might actively encourage your children to become independent, the experience of letting go can be painful. You might find it difficult to suddenly have no children at home who need your care. You might miss being a part of your children's daily lives — as well as the constant companionship. You might also worry intensely about your children's safety and whether they'll be able to take care of themselves on their own. You might struggle with the transition if your last child leaves the nest a little earlier or later than you expected — or at a time different from when you did. If you have only one child or strongly identify with your role as parent, you might have a particularly difficult time adjusting to an empty nest.

What's the impact of empty nest syndrome?

In the past, research suggested that parents dealing with empty nest syndrome experienced a profound sense of loss that might make them vulnerable to depression, alcoholism, identity crisis and marital conflicts.

However, recent studies suggest that an empty nest can also provide parents with many benefits. When the last child leaves home, parents have a new opportunity to reconnect with each other, improve the quality of their marriage and rekindle interests for which they previously might not have had time.

How can I cope with empty nest syndrome?

If you're experiencing feelings of loss due to empty nest syndrome, take action. For example:

  • Accept the timing. Avoid comparing your child's timetable to your own personal experience. Instead, focus on what you can do to help your child succeed when he or she does leave home.
  • Keep in touch. You can continue to be close to your children even when you live apart. Make an effort to maintain regular contact through visits, phone calls, emails, texts or video chats.
  • Seek support. If you're having a difficult time dealing with an empty nest, lean on loved ones and other close contacts for support. Share your feelings. If you feel depressed, consult your doctor or a mental health provider.
  • Stay positive. Thinking about the extra time and energy you might have to devote to your marriage or personal interests after your last child leaves home might help you adapt to this major life change.

Can I prevent empty nest syndrome?

If your last child is about to leave home and you're worried about empty nest syndrome, plan ahead. Look for new opportunities in your personal and professional life. Keeping busy or taking on new challenges at work or at home can help ease the sense of loss that your child's departure might cause.

References
  1. Gorchoff SM, et al. Contextualizing change in marital satisfaction during middle age: An 18-year longitudinal study. Psychological Science. 2008;19:1194.
  2. Hobdy J, et al. The role of attachment style in coping with job loss and the empty nest in adulthood. International Journal of Aging & Human Development. 2007;65:335.
  3. Mitchell BA, et al. The empty nest syndrome in midlife families: A multimethod exploration of parental gender differences and cultural dynamics. Journal of Family Issues. 2009;30:1651.
  4. Dennerstein L, et al. Empty nest or revolving door? A prospective study of women's quality of life in midlife during the phase of children leaving and re-entering the home. Psychological Medicine. 2002;32:545.
  5. O'Connor M. Tales of an empty nest. Minnesota Medicine. 2006;89:38.
  6. Depressive disorders. The Merck Manuals: The Merck Manual for Healthcare Professionals. http://www.merckmanuals.com/professional/psychiatric_disorders/mood_disorders/depressive_disorders.html#top. Accessed March 7, 2012.
MY01976 April 18, 2012

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