Staying healthy (23)
- Vaccines for adults: Which do you need?
- Medical history: Compiling your medical family tree
- Hand-washing: Do's and don'ts
- see all in Staying healthy
Dental care (7)
- Oral health: A window to your overall health
- Oral health: Brush up on dental care basics
- Calcium and calcium supplements: Achieving the right balance
- see all in Dental care
Skin care (15)
- Sunless tanning: A safe alternative to sunbathing
- Tattoos: Understand risks and precautions
- Piercings: How to prevent complications
- see all in Skin care
Nail care (1)
- Fingernails: Do's and don'ts for healthy nails
Eye care (9)
- Contact lenses: What to know before you buy
- Eye injury: Tips to protect vision
- Eye exam
- see all in Eye care
Sleep (7)
- Sleep aids: Understand over-the-counter options
- Sleep tips: 7 steps to better sleep
- Napping: Do's and don'ts for healthy adults
- see all in Sleep
Mental health (10)
- Mental health: What's normal, what's not
- Anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper
- Denial: When it helps, when it hurts
- see all in Mental health
Healthy relationships (9)
- Infidelity: Mending your marriage after an affair
- Domestic violence against men: Know the signs
- Domestic violence against women: Recognize patterns, seek help
- see all in Healthy relationships
Healthy at work (12)
- Workplace exercises: How to burn calories at work
- Desk stretches: How-to video collection
- Travel workout: Fitness tips for business travelers
- see all in Healthy at work
About our e-newsletters
- Free e-newsletters
- Mayo Clinic expertise
- We do not share your e-mail address
Housecall, our weekly general-interest e-newsletter, keeps you up to date on a wide variety of health topics with timely, reliable, practical information, recipes, blogs, questions and answers with Mayo Clinic experts and more. Our biweekly topic-specific e-newsletters also include blogs, questions and answers with Mayo Clinic experts, and other useful information that will help you manage your health.
Housecall Archives
Mayo Clinic Housecall
Stay up to date on the latest health information.
What you get
- Free weekly e-newsletter
- Mayo Clinic expertise
- Recipes, tools and other helpful information
- We do not share your e-mail address
continued:
Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness
What happens if I can't forgive someone?
Forgiveness can be challenging, especially if the person who's hurt you doesn't admit wrong or doesn't speak of his or her sorrow. If you find yourself stuck, consider the situation from the other person's point of view. Ask yourself why he or she would behave in such a way. Perhaps you would have reacted similarly if you faced the same situation. In addition, consider broadening your view of the world. Expect occasional imperfections from the people in your life. You might want to reflect on times you've hurt others and on those who've forgiven you. It can also be helpful to write in a journal, pray or use guided meditation — or talk with a person you've found to be wise and compassionate, such as a spiritual leader, a mental health provider, or an impartial loved one or friend.
Does forgiveness guarantee reconciliation?
If the hurtful event involved someone whose relationship you otherwise value, forgiveness can lead to reconciliation. This isn't always the case, however. Reconciliation might be impossible if the offender has died or is unwilling to communicate with you. In other cases, reconciliation might not be appropriate. Still, forgiveness is possible — even if reconciliation isn't.
What if I have to interact with the person who hurt me but I don't want to?
If you haven't reached a state of forgiveness, being near the person who hurt you might be tense and stressful. To handle these situations, remember that you can choose to attend or avoid specific functions and gatherings. Respect yourself and do what seems best. If you choose to attend, don't be surprised by a certain amount of awkwardness and perhaps even more intense feelings. Do your best to keep an open heart and mind. You might find that the experience helps you to move forward with forgiveness.
What if the person I'm forgiving doesn't change?
Getting another person to change his or her actions, behavior or words isn't the point of forgiveness. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life — by bringing you peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness can take away the power the other person continues to wield in your life.
What if I'm the one who needs forgiveness?
The first step is to honestly assess and acknowledge the wrongs you've done and how those wrongs have affected others. At the same time, avoid judging yourself too harshly. You're human, and you'll make mistakes. If you're truly sorry for something you've said or done, consider admitting it to those you've harmed. Speak of your sincere sorrow or regret, and specifically ask for forgiveness — without making excuses. Remember, however, you can't force someone to forgive you. Others need to move to forgiveness in their own time. Whatever the outcome, commit to treating others with compassion, empathy and respect.
Previous page(2 of 2)
- Worthington EL, et al. Forgiveness, health, and well being: A review of evidence for emotional versus decisional forgiveness, dispositional forgiveness, and reduced unforgiveness. Journal of Behavioral Medicine. 2007;30:291.
- Whited MC, et al. The influence of forgiveness and apology on cardiovascular reactivity and recovery in response to mental stress. Journal of Behavioral Medicine. 2010;33:293.
- Hirsch JK, et al. Forgiveness, depression, and suicidal behavior among a diverse sample of college students. Journal of Clinical Psychology. 2011;67:896.
- Hurst K. Rx: Forgiveness. Family Medicine. 2011;43:203.
- Fehr R. The road to forgiveness: A meta-analytic synthesis of its situational and dispositional correlates. Psychological Bulletin. 2010;136:894.
- Thornton B. Try forgiveness. The Family Journal: Counseling and Therapy for Couples and Families. 2011;19:245.
- Toussaint LL, et al. Forgive to live: Forgiveness, health, and longevity. Journal of Behavioral Medicine. In press. Accessed Sept. 3, 2011.
- Hantman S, et al. Forgiveness in late life. Journal of Gerontological Social Work. 2010;53:613.
- Braithwaite SR, et al. Forgiveness and relationship satisfaction: Mediating mechanisms. Journal of Family Psychology. 2011;25:551.
- Piderman KM (expert opinion). Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn. Sept. 3, 2011.
- Sood A. Train Your Brain, Engage Your Heart, Transform Your Life: A Course in Attention and Interpretation Therapy (AIT). Rochester, Minn.: Morning Dew Publications; 2010: 303.
Find Mayo Clinic on