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Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health
Keep friendships nurturing and healthy
Developing and maintaining healthy friendships involves give and take. Sometimes you're the one giving support to your friends, and other times you're on the receiving end. Letting friends know you care about them and appreciate them will help ensure that their support remains strong when times are rough. It's as important for you to be a good friend as it is to surround yourself with good friends.
Here are some ways to make sure your friendships remain healthy and supportive:
- Go easy. Don't overwhelm friends with phone calls or e-mails. Communication can be brief — five minutes on the phone or several sentences in an e-mail. Find out how late or early you can call, and respect those boundaries. Do have a plan for crisis situations, when you may need to temporarily set aside such restrictions.
- Be aware of how others perceive you. Ask a friend for an honest evaluation of how you come across to others. Take note of any areas for improvement and work on them.
- Don't compete. Don't let a friendship turn into a hidden battle over who makes the most money, has the best clothes or the coolest car. Don't fight over other friends. This will only turn friendships into unhealthy rivalries.
- Adopt a healthy, realistic self-image. Both vanity and constant self-criticism can be turnoffs to potential friends.
- Resolve to improve yourself. Cultivating your own honesty, generosity and humility will enhance your self-esteem and make you a more compassionate and appealing friend.
- Avoid relentless complaining. Nonstop complaining is tiresome and draining on friendships. Talk to your friends about how you can change the parts of your life that you're unhappy about.
- Adopt a positive outlook. Try to find the humor in things. Laughter is infectious and appealing.
- Listen up. Make a point to ask what's going on in the lives of your friends. Don't talk about your own problems all the time. Friendships can't last when you're self-absorbed.
Friendships pay dividends
Friendships provide a sense of belonging and comfort. Friendships act as a buffer against life's hardships and help you develop resilience. They offer compassion and acceptance. And friendships can make you feel important and needed by giving you a chance to offer someone else comfort and companionship, too.
Relationships change as you age, but it's never too late to build new friendships or reconnect with old friends. The investment in your friends will pay off in better health and a brighter outlook for years to come.
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- Rogers ES. The nature and dimensions of social support among individuals with severe mental illnesses. Community Mental Health Journal. 2004;40:437.
- Paul M. The Friendship Crisis: Finding, Making and Keeping Friends When You're Not a Kid Anymore. New York: Rodale; 2004.
- Demir M, et al. Looking to happy tomorrows with friends: Best and close friendships as they predict happiness. Journal of Happiness Studies. 2007;8:243.
- Hawkley LC, et al. From social structural factors to perceptions of relationship quality and loneliness: The Chicago health, aging and social relations study. Journal of Gerontology. 2008;63B:S375.
- Mellor D. Need for belonging, relationship satisfaction, loneliness, and life satisfaction. Personality and Individual Differences. 2008;45:213.
