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- End of life: Caring for a dying loved one
- Hospice care: Comforting the terminally ill
- Terminal illness: Supporting a terminally ill loved one
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- Suicide grief: Healing after a loved one's suicide
- Dealing with grief: Confronting painful emotions
- Grief: Coping with reminders after a loss
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Grief: Coping with reminders after a loss
Grief doesn't magically end at a certain point after a loved one's death. Reminders often bring back the pain of loss, even years later. Here's help coping — and healing.
By Mayo Clinic staffWhen a loved one dies, you may be faced with grief over your loss again and again — sometimes even years later. Feelings of grief may return on the anniversary of your loved one's death, for example, or on your loved one's birthday or other special days throughout the year. The return of these feelings, sometimes called an anniversary reaction, isn't necessarily a setback in the grieving process. It's a reflection that your loved one's life was important to you. To continue on the path toward healing, know what to expect — and how to cope with reminders of your loss.
Reminders can be anywhere
Certain reminders of your loved one may be inevitable, especially on holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and other special days that follow your loved one's death. Reminders aren't just tied to the calendar, though. They can be in sights, sounds and smells all around you — and they can ambush you, suddenly flooding you with emotions when you drive by the restaurant your wife loved or when you hear a song your son liked so much. Even memorial celebrations for others can trigger the familiar pain and sadness of your own loss.
What to expect when grief returns
Anniversary reactions can last for days or weeks at a time, often causing:
- Sadness, loneliness and crying spells
- Anger
- Anxiety
- Lack of interest in usual activities
- Trouble eating and sleeping, including stomach upset and nightmares
Anniversary reactions can also evoke powerful emotional memories — experiences in which you vividly recall the feelings and events surrounding your loved one's death. For example, you might remember in great detail where you were and what you were doing when your loved one died.
Next page(1 of 2)
- Block SD. Grief and bereavement. http://www.uptodate.com/home/index.html. Accessed June 23, 2010.
- Anniversary reactions to a traumatic event: The recovery process continues. National Mental Health Information Center. http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/publications/allpubs/NMH02-0140/default.asp. Accessed June 23, 2010.
- Holtslander L, et al. An inner struggle for hope: Insights from the diaries of bereaved family caregivers. International Journal of Palliative Nursing. 2008;14:478.
- Vale-Taylor P. "We will remember them": A mixed-method study to explore which post-funeral remembrance activities are most significant and important to bereaved people living with loss, and why those particular activities are chosen. Palliative Medicine. 2009;23:537.
- Stroebe M, et al. Continuing bonds in adaptation to bereavement: Toward theoretical integration. Clinical Psychology Review. 2010;30:259.
- Benkel I, et al. Managing grief and relationship roles influence which forms of social support the bereaved needs. American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Medicine. 2009;26:241.
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