End-of-life care (5)
- Hospice care: An option when confronting terminal illness
- Terminal illness: Interacting with a terminally ill loved one
- End of life: Caring for your dying loved one
- see all in End-of-life care
Grief (8)
- Grief: Coping with reminders after a loss
- Grief: A Mayo Clinic doctor confronts painful emotions
- Survivors of suicide: Healing after a loved one's suicide
- see all in Grief
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Grief: Coping with reminders after a loss
Tips to cope with reawakened grief
Time itself can lessen the intensity of your grief. You can also take measures to cope with anniversaries, special days and other reminders of your loss so that you can continue the healing process, including:
- Be reassured. Remember that anniversary reactions are common and normal and that the pain fades as the years pass — although it may never go away completely.
- Prepare for episodes of grief. Knowing that you're likely to experience anniversary reactions can help you understand them and even turn them into opportunities for healing.
- Look for healing opportunities. You might find yourself dreading upcoming special days, fearful of being overwhelmed by painful memories and emotions. In some cases, the anticipation can be worse than the reality. In fact, you may find that you work through some of your grief as you cope with the stress and anxiety of approaching reminders.
- Reminisce about the relationship you had with the person who died. Try to focus on the good things about the relationship and the time you had together, rather than the loss.
- Plan a distraction. Take a weekend away or plan a visit with friends or relatives.
- Start a new tradition in your loved one's memory. For example, make a donation to a charitable organization in the person's name on birthdays or holidays, or plant a tree in honor of your loved one.
- Tune out. Limit your exposure to news reports about tragic events if you become more anxious, sad or distressed.
- Connect with others. Draw family members and friends close to you, rather than avoiding them. Find someone who encourages you to talk about your loss. Stay connected to your usual support systems, such as spiritual leaders and social groups. Consider joining a bereavement support group.
- Allow yourself to feel sadness and a sense of loss. But also allow yourself to experience joy and happiness as you celebrate special times. In fact, you might find yourself both laughing and crying.
- Attend a memorial. You may find it healing to attend a public memorial service or ceremony that marks the anniversary of tragedies, disasters and other events that claimed lives. These kinds of ceremonies can help draw people together and allow you to share experiences with others who feel similarly.
When grief becomes overly intense or painful
Normal grief symptoms gradually start to fade within six months or so. In some cases, though, your grief experience may be much more complicated, painful and debilitating. Or your grief may get worse over time instead of better, or it may last for years.
In these cases, you may no longer be simply grieving. Your grief may have progressed into a medical disorder, such as:
- Depression
- Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
- Complicated grief
If your grief interferes with your ability to function in your daily life, see your doctor, primary care provider or mental health provider for evaluation and possible treatment.
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