End-of-life care (5)
- End of life: Caring for a dying loved one
- Hospice care: Comforting the terminally ill
- Terminal illness: Supporting a terminally ill loved one
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Grief (8)
- Suicide grief: Healing after a loved one's suicide
- Dealing with grief: Confronting painful emotions
- Grief: Coping with reminders after a loss
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Grief: Coping with reminders after a loss
Tips to cope with reawakened grief
Even years after a loss, you may continue to feel sadness and pain when you're confronted with reminders of your loved one's death. As you continue healing, take special steps to cope with reminders of your loss:
- Be prepared. Anniversary reactions are normal. Knowing that you're likely to experience anniversary reactions can help you understand them and even turn them into opportunities for healing. For example, you might find yourself dreading an upcoming special day, fearful of being overwhelmed by painful memories and emotions — only to find that you work through some of your grief as you cope with the stress and anxiety of the approaching reminder.
- Plan a distraction. Schedule a gathering or a visit with friends or loved ones during times when you're likely to feel alone or be reminded of your loved one's death.
- Reminisce about the relationship you had with the person who died. Focus on the good things about your relationship and the time you had together, rather than the loss.
- Start a new tradition in your loved one's memory. For example, make a donation to a charitable organization in your loved one's name on birthdays or holidays, or plant a tree in honor of your loved one.
- Connect with others. Draw friends and loved ones close to you, including people who were special to your loved one. Find someone who'll encourage you to talk about your loss. Stay connected to your usual support systems, such as spiritual leaders and social groups. Consider joining a bereavement support group.
- Allow yourself to feel a range of emotions. It's OK to be sad and feel a sense of loss, but also allow yourself to experience joy and happiness. As you celebrate special times, you might find yourself both laughing and crying.
When grief becomes overly intense
There's no time limit for grief, and anniversary reactions can leave you reeling. Still, the intensity of grief tends to lessen with time. If your grief gets worse over time instead of better or interferes with your ability to function in daily life, consult a grief counselor or other mental health provider. Unresolved or complicated grief can lead to depression and other mental health problems. With professional help, however, you can re-establish a sense of control and direction in your life — and return to the path toward healing.
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- Block SD. Grief and bereavement. http://www.uptodate.com/home/index.html. Accessed June 23, 2010.
- Anniversary reactions to a traumatic event: The recovery process continues. National Mental Health Information Center. http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/publications/allpubs/NMH02-0140/default.asp. Accessed June 23, 2010.
- Holtslander L, et al. An inner struggle for hope: Insights from the diaries of bereaved family caregivers. International Journal of Palliative Nursing. 2008;14:478.
- Vale-Taylor P. "We will remember them": A mixed-method study to explore which post-funeral remembrance activities are most significant and important to bereaved people living with loss, and why those particular activities are chosen. Palliative Medicine. 2009;23:537.
- Stroebe M, et al. Continuing bonds in adaptation to bereavement: Toward theoretical integration. Clinical Psychology Review. 2010;30:259.
- Benkel I, et al. Managing grief and relationship roles influence which forms of social support the bereaved needs. American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Medicine. 2009;26:241.
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