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Pregnancy loss: How to cope

Pregnancy loss changes your family forever. To survive the emotional impact of pregnancy loss, take good care of yourself and turn to others for support.

By Mayo Clinic staff

Pregnancy loss is devastating, no matter when it happens or what the circumstances. Your hopes and dreams for the future are dashed, and you may feel as if you'll never be quite the same again. With time, however, comes healing. Give yourself the time you need to mourn your pregnancy loss and accept what's happened — and then look toward the future.

Understand the grieving process

After a pregnancy loss, you may experience a range of emotions, including:

  • Denial. At first, it may be impossible to grasp what's happened. You may find yourself in shock or disbelief.
  • Anger. You may be angry at yourself, your partner or a higher power for letting this happen.
  • Guilt. You may wonder if you could have done anything to avoid the pregnancy loss.
  • Depression. Your pain and sorrow may lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-pity. You may develop symptoms of clinical depression — such as loss of interest or pleasure in normal activities, changes in eating or sleeping habits, and trouble concentrating and making decisions — as well.
  • Acceptance. You'll never forget your pregnancy loss, but each step in the grieving process brings you closer to acceptance — which may help ease your pain.

Other loved ones, including the baby's grandparents, may experience similar emotions — including anxiety, bitterness and helplessness.

Keep in mind that you may pass through each stage quickly, linger at some stages or skip others completely. You may also face setbacks along the road to acceptance, such as feelings of anger or guilt creeping back after you thought you had moved on. Certain triggers — such as attending a baby shower or seeing a new baby — may be difficult for you to face. That's OK. Excuse yourself from potentially painful situations until you're ready to handle them.

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References
  1. Early pregnancy problems: Miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, and molar pregnancy. Your Pregnancy and Childbirth: Month to Month. 5th ed. Washington, D.C.: American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists; 2010:340.
  2. Callister LC. Perinatal loss: A family perspective. The Journal of Perinatal and Neonatal Nursing. 2006;20:227.
  3. Swanson KM, et al. Resolution of depression and grief during the first year after miscarriage: A randomized controlled clinical trial of couples-focused interventions. Journal of Women's Health. 2009;18:1245.
  4. Van Damme L. Helping families through the pain of fetal loss. Nursing for Women's Health. 2008;12:379.
  5. Youngblut JM, et al. Grandparent's health and functioning after a grandchild's death. Journal of Pediatric Nursing. In press. Accessed June 23, 2010.
  6. Kobler K, et al. Meaningful moments: The use of ritual in perinatal and pediatric death. MCN: The American Journal of Maternal and Child Nursing. 2007;32:288.
  7. Capitulo KL. Evidence for healing interventions with perinatal bereavement. MCN: The American Journal of Maternal and Child Nursing. 2005;30:389.
  8. Limbo RK, et al. Grief. In: Limbo RK, et al. When a Baby Dies: A Handbook for Healing and Helping. La Crosse, Wis.: Lutheran Hospital;1998:14.
  9. Kohn I, et al. When an unborn or newborn baby dies. In: Kohn I, et al. A Silent Sorrow: Pregnancy Loss: Guidance and Support for You and Your Family. 2nd ed. New York, N.Y.: Routledge;2000:3.
  10. Mander R. Future childbearing. In: Mander R. Loss and Bereavement in Childbearing. 2nd ed. New York, N.Y.: Routledge;2006:196.
PR00098 Oct. 23, 2010

© 1998-2013 Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research (MFMER). All rights reserved. A single copy of these materials may be reprinted for noncommercial personal use only. "Mayo," "Mayo Clinic," "MayoClinic.com," "EmbodyHealth," "Enhance your life," and the triple-shield Mayo Clinic logo are trademarks of Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research.

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