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continued:

Pregnancy loss: How to cope

Move toward healing

Here are some suggestions to make your healing a little easier. Pick and choose those you think might help.

  • Make your own decisions. Well-meaning friends or loved ones may suggest clearing out all reminders of your baby, such as maternity clothes or baby items — but the decision is up to you. If you're not ready to pack things away, take as much time as you need.
  • Create memories of your baby. You may want to name your baby. You may also find comfort in holding a memorial service, personalizing a piece of jewelry, planting a tree or creating another memorial in your baby's honor. If the loss occurred near the end of your pregnancy, you may want to save an ultrasound picture. You might also ask the hospital staff to make handprints or footprints, or have the baby christened or blessed. You might even swaddle the baby or take photos with him or her.
  • Take it slow. Some days will be better than others. If you're overwhelmed thinking about the future, focus on getting through one day at a time. If you can, wait to make major decisions, such as buying a home or changing jobs.
  • Take care of yourself. Get adequate rest, eat a healthy diet and include physical activity in your daily routine. Don't turn to tobacco or alcohol to soothe your pain. Take medication only under your doctor's guidance.
  • Talk with your partner. Don't expect your spouse or partner to cope with grief the same way you do. One of you may want to talk about the baby, while the other may prefer to withdraw. Be open and honest with each other as you deal with your feelings.
  • Keep a journal. Writing down your thoughts and feelings may be an effective outlet for your pain. You might also write letters, notes or poems to the baby or about the baby.
  • Seek help from others. Friends and loved ones might not know the best way to help and may not always find the right thing to say. Tell them when you need their support. If you want to talk about the baby or if you'd like help keeping the baby's memory alive, let your friends and loved ones know how you feel.
  • Join a support group. Sharing with others who've experienced pregnancy loss — either in person or online — can be comforting. A clergy member or spiritual adviser may be another good source of advice or counseling. The baby's grandparents or other loved ones may benefit from similar support.

If feelings of depression seem prolonged or you're having trouble completing your usual daily activities, consult a grief counselor or other mental health provider for professional support.

Hope for the future

Many women who experience pregnancy loss go on to have successful pregnancies. Once the pain of your grief subsides, you and your partner can talk about whether to attempt another pregnancy and, if so, when you'd like to try again. Another pregnancy may yield feelings of sadness for your earlier loss — but it may also inspire hope for the future.

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References
  1. Early pregnancy problems: Miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, and molar pregnancy. Your Pregnancy and Childbirth: Month to Month. 5th ed. Washington, D.C.: American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists; 2010:340.
  2. Callister LC. Perinatal loss: A family perspective. The Journal of Perinatal and Neonatal Nursing. 2006;20:227.
  3. Swanson KM, et al. Resolution of depression and grief during the first year after miscarriage: A randomized controlled clinical trial of couples-focused interventions. Journal of Women's Health. 2009;18:1245.
  4. Van Damme L. Helping families through the pain of fetal loss. Nursing for Women's Health. 2008;12:379.
  5. Youngblut JM, et al. Grandparent's health and functioning after a grandchild's death. Journal of Pediatric Nursing. In press. Accessed June 23, 2010.
  6. Kobler K, et al. Meaningful moments: The use of ritual in perinatal and pediatric death. MCN: The American Journal of Maternal and Child Nursing. 2007;32:288.
  7. Capitulo KL. Evidence for healing interventions with perinatal bereavement. MCN: The American Journal of Maternal and Child Nursing. 2005;30:389.
  8. Limbo RK, et al. Grief. In: Limbo RK, et al. When a Baby Dies: A Handbook for Healing and Helping. La Crosse, Wis.: Lutheran Hospital;1998:14.
  9. Kohn I, et al. When an unborn or newborn baby dies. In: Kohn I, et al. A Silent Sorrow: Pregnancy Loss: Guidance and Support for You and Your Family. 2nd ed. New York, N.Y.: Routledge;2000:3.
  10. Mander R. Future childbearing. In: Mander R. Loss and Bereavement in Childbearing. 2nd ed. New York, N.Y.: Routledge;2006:196.
PR00098 Oct. 23, 2010

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