With Mayo Clinic oncologist Edward T. Creagan, M.D.

"You cannot give what you do not have." So began a sermon by a minister several weeks ago. He went on to say that if we do not have a musical skill, we cannot teach music to others. If we do not have an athletic gift, we cannot teach others how to golf, swim, or run. What the minister was really saying is that if we are unfocused, distracted, letting ourselves get overwhelmed with issues, we are hardly in a position to offer the hand of friendship and the voice of comfort to others.

We all recognize and acknowledge that yes, bad things do happen sometimes to wonderful people, and yes, there are tragedies for which we have no obvious explanation. But, if we are able to maintain a sense of physical, spiritual, and emotional resilience, we can deal with just about anything.

If we feel marginalized and without a support system, there certainly are avenues to improve this situation such as joining a faith community; becoming involved in civic or community activities; or simply picking up that phone and calling a friend, colleague, or neighbor. Most of us are reluctant to reach out for help — especially us men — and maybe that is why women outlive us by about ten years.

Having read a recent book on Buddhism, a recurrent theme from one of the writers was the notion of being "preemptive." This meant trying to anticipate some of the issues that might befall us and doing our best to deal with adversity. These sacred writings also emphasized that if our focus is "all about me" we are doomed to unhappiness and will try to fill that void with trinkets, things, awards, and "stuff." Somehow the gift of reaching out to someone to make their lives a little better also makes our lives a little better.

So, what have other members of the community learned from other belief systems in dealing with these difficult and thorny issues of disease, illness, and life's unfairness?

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