End-of-life care (5)
- End of life: Caring for a dying loved one
- Hospice care: Comforting the terminally ill
- Terminal illness: Supporting a terminally ill loved one
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- Infant death: Grief and the path to remembrance
- Grief: Coping with reminders after a loss
- Suicide grief: Healing after a loved one's suicide
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Suicide grief: Healing after a loved one's suicide
A loved one's suicide can be emotionally devastating. Use healthy coping strategies — such as seeking support — to begin the journey to healing and acceptance.
By Mayo Clinic staffWhen a loved one dies, your grief may be heart-wrenching. When a loved one commits suicide, your reaction may be more complicated. Overwhelming emotions may leave you reeling — and you may be consumed by guilt, wondering if you could have done something to prevent your loved one's death. As you face life after a loved one's suicide, remember that you don't have to go through it alone.
Brace for powerful emotions
A loved one's suicide can trigger intense emotions. For example:
- Shock. Disbelief and emotional numbness may set in. You may think that your loved one's suicide couldn't possibly be real.
- Anger. You may be angry with your loved one for abandoning you or leaving you with a legacy of grief — or angry with yourself or others for missing clues about suicidal intentions.
- Guilt. You may replay "what if" and "if only" scenarios in your mind, blaming yourself for your loved one's death.
- Despair. You may be gripped by sadness, depression and a sense of defeat or hopelessness. You may have a physical collapse or even consider suicide yourself.
You may continue to experience intense reactions during the weeks and months after your loved one's suicide — including nightmares, flashbacks, difficulty concentrating, social withdrawal and loss of interest in usual activities — especially if you witnessed or discovered the suicide.
Adopt healthy coping strategies
The aftermath of a loved one's suicide can be physically and emotionally exhausting. As you work through your grief, be careful to protect your own well-being.
- Keep in touch. Reach out to family, friends and spiritual leaders for comfort, understanding and healing. Surround yourself with people who are willing to listen when you need to talk, as well as those who will simply offer a shoulder to lean on when you'd rather be silent.
- Grieve in your own way. Do what's right for you, not necessarily someone else. If you find it too painful to visit your loved one's gravesite or share the details of your loved one's death, wait until you're ready.
- Be prepared for painful reminders. Anniversaries, holidays and other special occasions can be painful reminders of your loved one's suicide. Don't chide yourself for being sad or mournful. Instead, consider changing or suspending family traditions that are too painful to continue.
- Don't rush yourself. Losing someone to suicide is a tremendous blow, and healing must occur at its own pace. Don't be hurried by anyone else's expectations that it's been "long enough."
- Expect setbacks. Some days will be better than others, even years after the suicide — and that's OK. Healing doesn't often happen in a straight line.
- Consider a support group for families affected by suicide. Sharing your story with others who are experiencing the same type of grief may help you find a sense of purpose or strength.
(1 of 2)
- Block SD. Grief and bereavement. http://www.uptodate.com/home/index.html. Accessed Nov. 25, 2009.
- Schreiber J, et al. Suicidal ideation and behavior in adults. http://www.uptodate.com/home/index.html. Accessed Nov. 25, 2009.
- Grief after suicide. Suicide Awareness Voices of Education. http://www.save.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.viewPage&page_id=EB8EE3F1-7E90-9BD4-CE08CCD6E3FFD933. Accessed Nov. 25, 2009.
- Begley M, et al. The lived experience of adults bereaved by suicide: A phenomenological study. Crisis. 2007;28:26.
- Sveen CA, et al. Suicide survivors' mental health and grief reactions: A systematic review of controlled studies. Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior. 2008;38:13.
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