End-of-life care (5)
- Hospice care: An option when confronting terminal illness
- Terminal illness: Interacting with a terminally ill loved one
- End of life: Caring for your dying loved one
- see all in End-of-life care
Grief (8)
- Grief: Coping with reminders after a loss
- Grief: A Mayo Clinic doctor confronts painful emotions
- Survivors of suicide: Healing after a loved one's suicide
- see all in Grief
Mayo Clinic Health Manager
Get free personalized health guidance for you and your family.
Get Started
About our e-newsletters
- Free e-newsletters
- Mayo Clinic expertise
- We do not share your e-mail address
Housecall, our weekly general-interest e-newsletter, keeps you up to date on a wide variety of health topics with timely, reliable, practical information, recipes, blogs, questions and answers with Mayo Clinic experts and more. Our biweekly topic-specific e-newsletters also include blogs, questions and answers with Mayo Clinic experts, and other useful information that will help you manage your health.
Housecall Archives
Mayo Clinic Housecall
Stay up to date on the latest health information.
What you get
- Free weekly e-newsletter
- Mayo Clinic expertise
- Recipes, tools and other helpful information
- We do not share your e-mail address
continued:
Survivors of suicide: Healing after a loved one's suicide
Finding support and treatment after a suicide
The physical and emotional aftermath of a loved one's suicide can wear you down physically and emotionally. Family, friends and even support groups for survivors of suicide may be sources of comfort, understanding and healing.
Some bereavement groups are specifically intended for survivors of suicide. Because stigma — perceived or actual — can accompany suicide or mental illness, you may find it easier to share your experiences with others in a support group who are struggling with the same issues. You're less likely to feel shame, embarrassment or a need to hide the truth. You may benefit from the empathy, understanding and guidance that support groups offer. And you may find purpose or strength in reaching out to others trying to cope with their own loss.
But if the tragedy of your loved one's death causes intense or unrelenting anguish or physical problems, consider asking your doctor or mental health provider for help, especially if you have thoughts of suicide yourself or symptoms of depression. Unresolved grief can turn into complicated grief, where painful emotions are so long lasting and severe that you have trouble accepting the death and resuming your own life.
Both psychotherapy and medications can help you cope. You may only need short-term treatment to get you through the worst of the crisis. Therapy can help even if the death was years ago. Family therapy with children or your partner can help if normal functioning and interaction have been displaced by blame and withdrawal.
There are many resources to help you cope with the tragedy of a loved one's suicide. You don't have to go through it alone.
Healthy coping strategies after a suicide
A suicide can be devastating. In addition to reaching out to family, friends, support groups and professional help, these strategies can help you get through it in a way that safeguards your own mental and physical well-being:
- Keep in touch. Your inclination may be to withdraw into isolation. Avoidance may seem easier than confronting painful emotions, reminders or situations. But the support of family, friends, spiritual leaders or your faith community can soothe your distress and even offer a healthy distraction.
-
Share your story. Talking about your experience in the safe and comfortable environment of a support group first can make it easier to tell others about your loved one's death later. You may initially struggle with what or how much to reveal. Do what's comfortable for you. Many survivors of suicide find it easiest to be forthright and honest, simply stating that their loved one died by suicide, while others choose to keep it private.
You may encounter people who don't know what to say to you — they might not even mention your loved one's name, for instance. Or they may seem to avoid you. But that's usually because they don't want to risk saying something inappropriate and wounding you further. Decide whether you want to take the initiative and share your feelings.
- Do what's right for you. Grieve in your own way, not someone else's. You may find it too painful to visit your loved one's gravesite, for instance, while someone else may want to go every day.
- Be prepared for painful reminders. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and other occasions you normally would celebrate can become painful reminders of your loss. This is a normal reaction, so don't chide yourself for being sad or mournful. If it helps, change or suspend family traditions that are too painful to continue.
- Don't rush yourself. Losing someone to suicide is a tremendous blow, and healing must occur at its own pace. You may, for instance, want to take more time off work than a standard bereavement leave allows. And don't be hurried by a friend's expectations that it's been "long enough."
- Expect setbacks. Some days will be better than others. And some days, when you thought things were improving, you may find yourself overwhelmed by powerful emotions once again. The death of another loved one even years later may reawaken memories of the suicide, for example. But know that healing doesn't often happen in a straight line. There'll be bumps, and your coping strategies will help you get over them.
It's OK to start enjoying your life again, to find laughter in funny movies or in a child's antics. Pursuing hobbies, socializing and having fun aren't a betrayal of your loved one's memory. They're a sign of your healing.
The future after your loved one's suicide
In the aftermath of a loved one's suicide, you may feel like you can't go on or that you'll never enjoy life again. In truth, you may never completely get over the loss. You may always wonder why it happened, and reminders may trigger painful feelings even years later.
But eventually, the raw intensity will fade. The tragedy of the suicide won't dominate your days and nights. Perhaps you'll find meaning and purpose in activism, or you'll begin recalling moments from happier times and smile to yourself. Understanding the complicated legacy of suicide and how to cope with palpable grief can help you reach inner peace and healing, without forgetting your loved one.
Previous page(2 of 2)
