- With Mayo Clinic emeritus consultant
Jay L. Hoecker, M.D.
read biographyclose windowBiography of
Jay L. Hoecker, M.D.
Jay L. Hoecker, M.D.
Dr. Jay Hoecker, an emeritus consultant in the Department of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine, brings valuable expertise to MayoClinic.com in general and primary care pediatrics. He has a particular interest in infectious diseases of children.
Dr. Hoecker, a Fort Worth, Texas, native, is certified as a pediatrician by the American Board of Pediatrics and is a fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics. He was trained at Washington University's St. Louis Children's Hospital, and in infectious diseases at MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston. He has been with Mayo Clinic since 1989.
"The World Wide Web is revolutionizing the availability and distribution of information, including health information about children and families," Dr. Hoecker says. "The evolution of the Web has included greater safety, privacy and accuracy over time, making the quality and access to children's health information immediate, practical and useful. I am happy to be a part of this service to patients from a trusted name in medicine, to use and foster all the good the Web has to offer children and their families."
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Infant health (9)
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- see all in Infant health
Toddler health (6)
- Discolored baby teeth: A cause for concern?
- Temper tantrums: What's normal, what's not?
- Toddler speech development: When should a parent be concerned?
- see all in Toddler health
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Question
Toddler behavior: How can I encourage listening and cooperation?
My 3-year-old doesn't listen to me, my husband or his child care provider. When we ask him to do something, he ignores us, tells us he won't do it or throws a tantrum. Is this normal toddler behavior? How can we improve his attitude?
Answer
from Jay L. Hoecker, M.D.
Three-year-olds often revel in an explosion of speech development and a newfound sense of independence. Sometimes these factors work together to fuel behavior problems and tantrums. These tips may help:
- Set — and enforce — limits. Sometimes defiant toddler behavior is a child's response to a lack of limits. Consider what limits you've set for your son, and how those limits are enforced. Make sure your son knows what's expected of him, as well as the consequences of poor behavior. For example, perhaps you'd like your son to clean up his toys at the end of the day. When you ask him to do so, remind him that picking up toys is his job. Then clearly state the consequence of not picking up the toys, such as losing access to a prized toy for a day or two. If your son doesn't pick up his toys as asked, follow through on the consequence.
- Provide ample transition time. It can be tough for young children to move quickly from one activity to the next. To improve cooperation, give your son several warnings about upcoming transitions. For example, you might say, "It's almost bedtime. You can play for 10 more minutes, and then we'll brush your teeth." Give him another warning at five minutes. When the time is up, be firm about moving to the next activity.
- Praise good behavior. When your son follows directions or has other good behavior, praise him. Point out the specific behavior, and then tell your son how proud you are of the behavior. For example, you might say, "Thank you for sharing your toy with your sister. I'm so proud of you!" Make a point to "catch" your son behaving well throughout the day. At bedtime, you might spend a few minutes talking about the good behavior you observed that day.
- Correct with care. When you need to correct poor toddler behavior, follow up with suggestions for better behavior. Make sure your son understands what's inappropriate — and then offer several alternatives for better behavior. When your son responds with appropriate behavior, praise him for making the right decision.
It's also important to consider whether any underlying conditions are influencing your son's oppositional behavior — such as impaired vision or hearing. Consult your son's doctor if you suspect an underlying problem, or if your son's poor behavior continues despite your efforts to improve his listening and cooperation.
Next questionPoinsettia plants: Are they poisonous?
- Hoecker JL (expert opinion). Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn. June 28, 2008.
- What are some milestones my child should reach by three to four years of age? American Academy of Pediatrics. http://www.aap.org/publiced/BK0_DevMile_3-4Yrs.htm. Accessed Sept. 19, 2008.
