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Women's sexual health: How to reach sexual fulfillment
Topics to address with your partner
When you're talking to your partner about sex, try to get specific. Consider these topics:
- Time. Are you setting aside enough time for intimacy? If you need more, talk about what you can do to change things.
- Romance. Is it missing? Talk about how romance can set the stage for sexual intimacy.
- Pleasure. Discuss what gives you individual pleasure and mutual enjoyment. Negotiate differences if one of you is uncomfortable with the other's request.
- Sexual rut. If sex has become routine or predictable, talk about changes you might make. For instance, explore different times to have sex or try new techniques. Consider more cuddling, a sensual massage, masturbation, oral sex or the use of a vibrator — depending on what interests you.
- Your definition of sex. Sex is more than intercourse. Remind each other that it's an opportunity for emotional as well as physical intimacy that builds closeness in a relationship.
- Physical changes. Talk about physical changes that might affect your sex life, such as an illness, weight gain, changes after surgery or hormonal changes.
- Emotional changes. Address personality traits and emotional factors that may interfere with your ability to enjoy sexual activity, such as a tendency to get distracted, anxiety, depression, anger or stress.
- Stereotypes. Discuss beliefs and expectations about sexuality. Rejecting certain myths — such as the idea that women become less sexual after menopause — can improve your sex life.
How to handle differing sexual needs
Sexual needs vary. Many factors can affect your sexual appetite, from stress, illness and aging to family, career and social commitments. Whatever the cause, differences in sexual desire between partners can sometimes lead to feelings of isolation or resentment. Talk to your partner about:
- Your sexual needs. If your emotional needs aren't being met, you may be less interested in sex. Think about what your partner could do to enhance your emotional intimacy — and talk about it openly and honestly.
- Your differences in sexual desire. In any long-term relationship, couples may experience mismatched levels of sexual desire. Discuss your differences and try to explore options that will satisfy both of you.
If you're concerned about your level of desire, consider reviewing your medications with your doctor. If a particular medication is affecting your comfort with sex or desire for sex, ask your doctor if an alternative is available. Likewise, if a physical symptom — such as vaginal dryness — is interfering with your sexual enjoyment, ask about treatment options. For example, a lubricant or other medication can help with vaginal dryness associated with hormonal changes or other factors.
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- AAMFT consumer update: Male sexual problems. American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. http://www.aamft.org/families/consumer_updates/malesexualproblems.asp. Accessed Jan. 13, 2009.
- AAMFT consumer update: Female sexual problems. American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. http://www.aamft.org/families/consumer_updates/femalesexualproblems.asp. Accessed Jan. 13, 2009.
- Sexuality and sexual problems. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. http://www.acog.org/publications/patient_education/bp072.cfm. Accessed Jan. 13, 2009.
- Swanson JB (expert opinion). Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn. Jan. 20, 2009.
- Love P, et al. Hot Monogamy: Essential steps to more passionate, intimate lovemaking. New York, N.Y.: Penguin Group; 1994.
- Leiblum S, et al. Getting the sex you want: A woman's guide to becoming proud, passionate and pleased in bed. New York, N.Y.: Crown Publishing Group; 2002.
